Ropley vs Wield, Sunday 1st August

Conditions – Cloudy (just like my mood!!!!)

Match Summary – A terrible team performance (with 1 or 2 notable exceptions) and yet somehow all results were possible with 3 balls left.

Cricket mirrors life somebody once said so with this in mind I would like to add "what goes around comes around!!!!!!!"

After last weeks match report by Robin which, to say the least was a little unjust to my good self. It is my pleasure to report that Robin had an absolute shocker!!!!!!!

We won the toss and Yorkie asked if we could bat first, that was as good as it got as I watched the first 2 wides of the match smash into the keepers gloves and fall to the floor, the next 2 balls where similar but still smashed into the keepers gloves and fell to the floor. Therefore I was delighted to nick the next ball and stand in amazement as the keeper held on.....Doh!!!

Dougie came and went which cleared the decks for Wield's youths to take over. Alex D and Ed R managed to make us look like a real team for a while with some proper cricket shots!!!! This facade was shattered when Alex chipped a full toss to cover for 30(ish).

Ed carried on swinging as the rest of Wield's middle order came and went, Steve (caught off the youngest looking 14 year old ever), Rupert (comedy run out), Michael (missed a straight one) and Guy (slogging 2nd ball!!!!!). Ed played really well until he decided to follow his younger brothers lead and returned for 70(ish).

At this point we were 110/7 and in danger of not even having a proper game. Ropley's skipper Nick obliged by putting on some of the worst buffet bowling known to man. Who I hear you cry is the perfect man for this situation........ Yes, Yorkie timed his arrival to perfection (as usual) and gorged himself to an average boosting 36 not out. The only other exciting think to happen was Robin charging down the wicket and hitting a 4!!!!!!!!

This match fixing resulted in Wield finishing on 180/9 and we ate tea knowing that Nick was about to bat and make our pathetic score look just what it was pathetic!!!!!!!

And so it began, Rupert and Steve opened the bowling and Nick opened his shoulders, he raced past 50 in around 7 overs. This onslaught would have come to an early end if Robin had not dropped a sitter at mid on.

Ropley's other opener started to open his shoulders but this also would have come to an early end if Robin had not dropped another sitter. He continued to open his shoulders and Robin dropped yet another sitter. A couple of Robin fumbles later and Nick finally slashed one to Yorkie, only 55 runs after Robin had dropped him.

Dougie was now in tandem with Yorkie and we started to watch Ropley go from 120/1 to a desperately trying to lose the game!!!!!

In a stunning bout of selfless captaincy Yorkie kept himself on for 13 overs and along with dougie they bowled 28 overs between them. While the rest of the team watched on we kept on being given wickets until incredibly we had a chance of winning. Robin fumbled a few more and I held onto 1 while Ed dropped 2 and caught 1.

Some comedy running later and Ropley needed 1 run off 3 balls with 1 wicket left and no.11 facing. As the field crowded around the batsmen Yorkie bowled and the ball trickled off the bat towards out star off the day Robin, somehow our Jonty Rhodes wannabee let the ball crawl passed him and in fits of laughter the batsmen walked the final run to win the game!!!!

It was as village as it gets!!!!!!

As results are proving we need to stop playing real cricket teams!!!!!

Tony Robson