Wield vs XIIth Men, Sunday 9th June
Very stupid things to do on a Sunday – No 27 – push starting a car uphill
The British are very good at doing silly things in great seriousness. If you are old enough you may remember the following famous exchange between Peter Cooke and Jonathan Miller from the satirical hit Beyond the Fringe (that was in the 60’s for the younger generation):
Peter Cook: I want you to lay down your life, Perkins. We need a futile gesture at this stage. It will raise the whole tone of the war. Get up in a crate, Perkins, pop over to Bremen, take a shufti, don't come back. Goodbye, Perkins. God, I wish I was going too.
Jonathan Miller: Goodbye, sir — or is it — au revoir?
Peter Cook: No, Perkins.
This match was a bit like that. Just to drive the point home, in an attempt to raise the tone of this war, Wield players gallantly tried to start our President’s car by pushing it uphill across the ground. Of such stuff are heroes made. And idiots.
Like the ’39 match, (World v Adolph’s Touring Tigers) it all started well. Not many Spitfires in the sky overhead, but a balmy summer’s day, and Wield fielding. The Wield Expeditionary Force sauntered amiably onto the field calm and confident. After a few overs it looked as if we would soon be hanging our washing out on the X11th Men’s Siegried Line as the two opening wickets fell for only 12 runs. Then we met our Dunkirk. Your correspondent managed to surpass his own record by dropping three catches of increasing simplicity, an example which was followed with a dropped catch from Ben Robinson, who is young and fit enough to know better. Some fairly dismal fielding – and some excellent running from the X11th Men (these Huns know how to run) had the scoreboard climbing steadily.
But as always when Britain is in retreat, there were moments of individual glory. A few fine catches, including 2 behind the stumps from Max (upholding the honour of the oldies), and some fine bowling from Robin Hunt (3 for 54) ensured that we managed to get 6 wickets by tea time. Alas, as with Dunkirk, at some cost – 178 runs on the board.
Our secret weapon (the Wield Tea – codenamed Enigma) was then deployed to befuddle the enemy. The X11th Men descended on Wield’s magnificent tea like a Waffen SS regiment that has not seen food for a week reaching a Polish village. Not a bun was left uneaten, not a sandwich crust missed. A triumph for the devious home team, as the X11th Men rolled out, sated, onto the field. Surely any enemy with sense would surrender now ?
With true British B film grit, Wield fought back, run by run. The Young Ones came to the rescue. A promising start by Ben was cut short after13 runs (unlucky for some).
It is traditional in these reports to take the piss out of Tony Robson. That, after all is what he is for, Wield’s answer to Dicky Attenborough in all those war films – the cheeky plucky chappy whose cheerful grin makes you feel better when the ship is sinking beneath you (“In Which We Serve” if you’ve missed the reference). But cometh the hour, cometh the man…or rather the boy. Jack Robson stepped into the breach and proceeded - in true Robson style – to stay there for the rest of the day, for a well deserved 35 runs, mostly in quick singles. I assume he gets his speed between the wickets from swift raids on the Robson fridge during the night.
He was ably assisted by Will Frome who hit a firm 25. But I have never seen team looking at the clock so often as 6.30 approached, praying for 20 overs to begin. And the excesses of a Wield tea had clearly got to X11th Men now as their urge for a crushing victory seemed to vaporise as the shadows lengthened. What should have been an easy victory was dissipated by solid defensive batting, and the impact of good sticky cakes, with Wield ending up at 83 for 2. A rather fortunate draw.
But our opponents loved the day, loved the pub and REALLY LOVED the tea….so well done tea ladies. Oh an Lola’s car was eventually started and made it away from the ground.
The day was a good example of True Grit in action.
Philip Geddes
