Wield vs Medstead, Sunday 3rd August

Weather - Sunny with a stiff hurricane blowing down the hill

Match summary – Village cricket at it's finest/poorest, with at least 3 contenders for this years Toby Flack bat Throwing Award!!!!!

As they hold the Frank Shaw Trophy we had all seen Medstead's cunning plan before!! Win the toss, field first, hang on for a draw and keep the trophy!!! A plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!!!

And so it began! After last weeks heroics Toby and Jack opened the innings. As usual Medstead opened up with Andy into the wind and Matt Rawlings down the hill, with the hurricane!!! As the main part of their cunning plan both guys bowled until drinks (21 overs!!!!!!!!)

It has to be said that wind assisted Matt bowled pretty quick and even managed a couple of bouncers (yes at Wield!!!). Jack managed around a 100 less than last week before edging one to the keeper. Toby was joined by Robson Snr who blocked for a while!!! Matt hit Toby on the forearm and this blow rattled him into smashing the next 2 balls as hard as he could. Unfortunately up the hill and into the wind both balls only went for 2 and Toby tried to annihilate the next ball only to be bowled for around 100 less than last week!!!

Will joined me at the crease and the scoring slowly increased (OK it didn't move for a while!!) Eventually Medstead changed the bowling and their 1st change bowler bowled until tea!!!! Runs started to flow (OK Will hit a few!!!) and the score moved toward 100, Will finally missed a straight one and departed for an excellent jug avoiding 43. Dan joined me at the crease and the prospect of running with a much younger player was too much so I slapped a long hop to mid wicket and wandered back up the hill. Debs came in and after being given out LBW in every innings this year he had a new plan! and a cunning plan it was as he got his legs out of the way of another straight one and was bowled!!!!!

Aidan smashed a few with Dan until he was bowled which brings us nicely to our first TFBTA incident. Our skipper arrived at the crease and Medstead's s skipper Rory choice to seize the moment. In a Brearley-esk inspired piece of captaincy Rory called on Ben to bowl. Looking smaller and younger than his 11 years, Ben, unaware of Yorkie's formidable reputation dollied one up and our skipper obligingly missed it and was bowled. As it was sunny most of Wield was sitting by the pavilion to witness this hilarious moment and it was possibly the only time I have heard anyone walk up the hill to laughter rather than applause!!!

More amusement followed as Dan made Robin run for 10 minutes and
as tea arrived Robin announced he was "Bloody Knackered".
Wield finished on a pretty average 156/8.

Replenished from another stunning tea we took to the field with our skippers fine words of wisdom ringing in our ears
(it went along the lines of who ate all the sausages!!!!)

Matt and Ben (Not the 11 year old) opened for Medstead and Aidan's first ball was smashed by Matt straight to Debbie who flapped around until the ball hit the ground. Ball 3 was a similar shot that went for 4. With Aidan's final ball of the over Matt tried to hit the ball to Basingstoke and was bowled. Andy arrived and must have been delighted to be facing Dan who was bowling a lot quicker than Matt had earlier!!!

It is safe to say that keeper and first slip were as worried as the batsmen as Dan showed a very un-Wield like turn of pace. You will not be surprised to learn that byes were top scoring for a while. Andy was bowled by Dan with one that nearly broke the stump and this brought Harry to the crease. Ben departed to Aidan's even slower ball as he lobbed one back to him. Harry connected with a few that went to cow corner before he played his only shot on the offside and was caught by Toby.

TFBTA incident No.2 Robin stepped up to bowl and half way through his run up!!! his phone rang. He tried to continue but as the batsmen was wetting himself he had to abort. He apologised and tried to bowl again at which point the phone rang again!! Robin stopped and answered it (who could be ringing Robin at such a critical point of the game!!) it was only Hampshire Academy Director Bobby Parks possibly looking for a young spin bowler....Not!!!!

TFBTA incident No.3 the laughter had only just subsided before Rory pulled one up the hill towards the pavilion were our crack boundary runner was fielding. Debs raced around the boundary and slid towards the ball in true modern cricket style. This illusion was soon destroyed as Debs missed the ball with his hands and blocked the ball with his unmentionables. Desperately not trying to rub the area Debs threw the ball back in and the rest of his teamates tried not to wet themselves. Those of us of a certain age may have mentioned the Viz character "Buster Gonad and his unfeasibly large testicles"

After these 2 bouts of hilarity Medstead (as predicted) decided to stop gifting us wickets and played for a draw and in doing so stopped Yorkie getting his revenge on a 11 year old.

We all decamped to the Yew Tree to ponder Robin's possible shock call up and Debbies balls!!!!!!